Sometimes i wonder if Bubble (I can't think of a good codename right now okay? Bubble, because he always bursts my bubble) still cares. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. That's all he does. It's kind of irritating actually. I get it, he's in a far away land called england and he's got work but couldn't he call once in awhile? Couldn't he ask how my day went or at least pretend to listen to me when i babble about something? Couldn't he act as if he still cares? Ugh. What distance does to people.

I can't even remember the last time he sent me a birthday present. I can't remember the last time we talked. Not small talk talk. But the i'm-enjoying-this-conversation kind of talk. He's already spent three years there and he couldn't even-- Nevermind. The wrong people might see this. So i'll just stop right there. Anyway, my friends are waiting for me. Kay. Thanks. Bye.

Forever,

Needing You

Whoah. Long time huh? I can't believe it. I'm in junior year already. JUNIOR YEAR. The year that decides my entire life. Okay, a bit dramatic but hey, I've never been normal now have i? Well, it's kinda true anyway. Grades will play an important rule this year. College apps remember?

My folks say we're moving up north. Like waaay north. Canada north. Yeah. I know. New school, new friends, new environment and all that shit. It's gonna be real tough. Specially leaving my family. No, not my family family, but my other family. My Heronvale family. *Le sigh* I don't really wanna talk about that right now. It makes me too sad. Let's talk about something else.... Hmm...

OH! I know. I finally figured what i'll be taking up for college. I was planning on taking Psychology as my pre-med and then go all the way with MDCM. Where you ask? McGill University. Yeah, that's pretty much my life plan. Just get into med school and be a doctor. So, why med school? Well... a certain someone by the name of Gregory House convinced me to. Loljk. It's because as a kid, I've always wanted to be a super hero. And i guess being a doctor is the closest thing to becoming one.

Spell high hopes right? Haha. Nah, i know i can do it. Well... I'd like to think i can. Yeah, i can do it. I'm a Heronvale and a Slytherin one at that. I just have to take one step at a time... Gosh. Nine more years of studying after high school. I hope i have the patience for it. Anyway, i need to go now. I think the person behind me is starting to read this so... yeah. Later.

Forever,

Needing You.

Okay, so me again. And yes, i'm here to vent again. Hold up, this isn't about the same person i've been talking about in the past few rants. This, is completely a new issue. Okay, so anyway... there's this person. er. friend of mine. And well... She's been a really good friend this year but that's the thing. She's an awesome friend, horrible something else. It's just that she has the tendency to be a plum. Sometimes she thinks like one. Acts like one too. It kind of annoys me really. How she "prioritizes" certain things. Yeah, we disagree on a couple of things but still, she's my friend right?

I guess i'm kind of bothered by the fact that she's sort of heading towards the wrong direction. I know, i know, who am i to say which direction is the right one but hey, she's my friend. Concerned lang ako. I shouldn't care. It's her life after all. Ewan ko. Nagbago lang kasi yung tingin ko sakanya after she told me. I know that she's been my friend all through out the year and her past shouldn't bother me at all. It's just that i don't get why she has to act that way. I'm not saying that everyone should act like me and be like me 'cause i'm so perfect and all that crap. I'm not. I'm fully aware of that.

Okay, so maybe i'm acting just a little bit bitter. Just maybe. Hmm. I don't know anymore. Damn this High School drama. I wonder how much it'd hurt when...

Haha, just kidding. I'm certainly not going to vent about that. They might see. You can never be too careful right?

It's been a long time since i last signed by post with this. Planning on putting it back.

Forever,

Needing You.

Yeah. You got it. I'm here to vent again. My last post was all about making it better and other stuff that made no sense at all. Well guess what. I failed. Yup, this is a vent post again.

That person did it again. That person forgot. again. Expectations : ---------------> Reality: -> something like that. i have no idea how to let my anger out. Or sadness or whatever you call this thing. The "Cycle" just keeps on going round and round. Why can't i break it? Why do i always end up getting the short end of the stick? I guess it's because of the voice. (yeah, you probably won't understand it 'coz i'm using codenames again) Ever since that f*cking voice came problems came crashing like rain. Maybe i should stop blaming it. Maybe it's just that the said person can't keep his/her word. Drawing. 'ika nga nila.

Looking back.

Tittle says it all darling. Anyway, i was browsing my rant blog, as i would like to call it. Then i realized that before, this blog used to be very fun and lively. All my notes and posts were all about happy stuff. The emo cow, the mulan thing and the 333 ways to get kicked out of wallmart.

Recently though, i've been making it a vent box. Ha, don't know why i'm doing that. But hey, it works for me. So why do i care right? Wrong. I kind of feel sad that all i every blog about nowadays are sad and unfortunate stuff. They're all about anger, hurt and how my life sucks. I want to make it better. I'll try to make it better. Although, even though i say it a hundred times, i am still not convinced.

Well, i need to go do some academic stuff now.

Bye.

Why do you build me up buttercup?

Yes, why do you build me up huh? Why do you keep on giving me false hope? Tell me, what kind of sick satisfaction do you get out of it?

I asked, you said you'll try. I begged, you said you'll try harder. In the end...Nothing. I just never learn do i? I should've known better. I am so sick and tired of this so-called "Cycle" we go through. But even after everything, after you've crushed me into a thousand little pieces again, i still trust you. Or at least i did. I'll try not to do that now.

I need to vent. Sadly, i don't really think i have anyone for that. Not right now. Don't get me wrong, i love SF and Alejandro with all my heart. it's just that... i don't think i can be that open right now. I'm thankful though. For having this blog that no one really knows about. Well... not really no one, just a really few people.

Signing off now. Bye.

P.S.

I received another shiny piece of blue paper again this quarter.

Ugh.

This is really not my day... just saying.

Life sucks... just stating.

Someone cheer me up please... just hoping.

Forever alone.